The Crime: Assault
The Victims: Our customer John and this unlucky iPhone 5S.
The Crime Scene: New Year’s Eve at John’s residence.
The Perpetrator: John’s wife, (5’2”, 110lbs).
The Story: As we understand it, John and his wife, young parents of a beautiful , 9-week old baby boy, had been involved in a discussion in which his wife expressed unhappiness with his attentiveness since the baby had been born. In his statement, John told us, “She kept saying things like ‘you don’t find me attractive anymore’ and crying all the time!” Determined to keep the romance alive, they made a date for New Year’s Eve. But when it was time to go, she didn’t want to leave the baby. John, unmoved in his resolve to sweep her off her feet, said “No problem…we can stay home and have a nice quiet evening at home watching the ball drop alone.” Of course, the baby woke several times, but finally settled to sleep around 10:30pm.
John had planned to capture the wonderful moment of the first kiss of the New Year to commemorate the evening. So still driven to do just that, they snuggled up together to watch the festivities in Times Square with his cell phone lying next to his hand…and quickly they both fell sound asleep.
At 11:59pm, John’s wife was awakened by the loud countdown and, realizing they were about to miss it entirely, she simultaneously elbowed her husband sleeping next to her on the sofa to wake him & began straightening her mussed hair in one swift movement. She described the ‘incident’ as a gentle nudge. He, however, described it as a “full on assault to his ribcage and right lung by her stiletto-like elbow.”
Needless to say, his lightning-fast reaction to the stabbing pain in his side sent his iPhone 5S sailing through the air, crashing into the television screen and breaking the LCD screen on his phone.
We fixed the iPhone in less than 30 minutes. The TV survived unscathed miraculously.
John only had a cracked rib and after he brought home flowers and suggested they watch The Notebook together, his wife was happy.
No arrests were made.