After a thorough investigation for this week’s ‘Oops-of-the-Week’, we discovered how to tap into the iPhone’s internal history log of events…here’s what we discovered:
Date: Thursday, July 2, 2015
6:55am – Alarm. Slapped frantically by human operator’s hand repeatedly until alarm was cancelled.
7:00 am – Text messaging, email, Facebook, Snapchat, weather app, traffic app engaged.
7:08 am – Sensors indicate steam from the shower is making our circuits damp but nothing we can’t handle.
7:30 am – Dropped. Hit bed frame and came to rest under edge of bed, stepped on during search, retrieved. Systems shaken but all still functioning properly.
7:45 am – Stuffed into pocket, impact with door on the way out, sat on in the vehicle and finally retrieved only to be dropped into a cup holder. Sensors indicate a possibly harmful moisture level but so far the water level has not breached the back case seam. With all the movement from this vehicle, the situation could become critical any moment. System on high alert.
7:58am – Selfie taken and shared before leaving vehicle. Stuffed into pocket again.
8:02am – Landed on desk unit. Downgraded to normal alert levels. Text messaging, email, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram engaged. Twelve more selfies taken, one shared.
8:15 am – 11:00 am Text messaging, email, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, checked, posts shared, responses given, periodically throughout the morning. One impact with desk top upon appearance of stout human with stern face. Systems mildly shaken, no harm done.
11:15am – Forced again into pocket, moved with human operator to another location. Sensors indicate increased noise level and multiple humans in close proximity. Return to high alert.
11:21am – Impact with table top. Sensors indicate multiple humans near our operator and innumerable potential hazards: moisture, heated sticky substances, instability of table. We have already experienced multiple bumps and one incident of a fall that was too close for comfort. Our sensors tell us we are too near the edge. All indicators point to a solid, firm ground surface. All circuits stay alert! What is our operator thinking?
11:22am – Red alert! Red alert! All circuits and systems – brace for impact!
11:23 am – Came to rest on ground and metal leg. Possibly support for table from which we fell. All systems report no damage. That was a close call – too close. Awaiting retrieval from our operator.
11:28am - Sensors indicate operator is completely unaware of our demise. Systems remain on high alert.
11:31am – Operator begins frantic movement of all extremities. Brace for possible impact or force!
11:32am – Operator’s foot presses down, effectively bending unit. Systems indicate frame is bent, screen is cracked. Operator finally retrieves unit and returns to office. Operator repeatedly picks up unit and returns to desk, almost as if human has forgotten damage to unit and has some level of dependency. Sensors indicate operator is becoming more agitated. All systems still on high alert.
2:35pm – Operator engages Siri. “Call Oops Repair.” Duration of call: 1minute, 47 seconds. Operator slides unit gently into pocket and is promptly on the move.
2:51pm – Sensors indicate we have arrived at Oops Repair’s address. Operator has turned unit over to another human. Unit powered down.
3:11pm – Unit powered on. Sensors indicate a repositioned frame and a new front screen have been installed. Even minor harm done from previous impacts seems to be eradicated. Unit returned to operator.
3:12pm – Apple pay engaged. Payment processed.
3:13pm – Human operator has returned to car. Protective barrier has been placed around unit. All systems have returned to normal alert levels.